ADVICE Article1
Originally Published in the Advisor Newspaper
Originally Published in the Advisor Newspaper
Article 1 of 3
Parents: Is your child being bullied? I have been working in the youth services field for many years, and through Bully Back Off, I have spent the last 10 years concentrating on bullying and how to deal with it. I hope the following series of articles might be helpful. Of the many challenges we face as parents one of the most difficult is bullying. How do we assist and support our children, while at the same time accepting that they have to learn to make their own way in the world. Personally, I’m tired of all the statistics and sensationalized tragedies reported in the papers, on TV, and on endless radio call-in programs, and the resulting, less than helpful, rhetoric that follows. School administrators/staff, community workers, social workers and others have worked hard to create an effective response to bullying incidents, and police are more aware of these incidents and respond more proactively to threats and serious occurrences. However as with car accidents, it is often too late by the time the police and others are called. The damage has been done. The question often asked by parents is, “What do I do if my child has been bullied?” This question is often asked too late, and only after recognition that their child has been repeatedly bullied, and not just by one person! To give a parallel example, it is the equivalent of asking; “How can I teach my teen to drive safely?” after the speeding tickets, and traffic accidents have occurred. Again the damage has already been done, and the bad driving habits entrenched. Like driving, dealing with a bully takes instruction, skills and practice. Even setting aside the laws concerning driving, not many parents, (I hope!), would put their child on the road without prior instruction and practice? As with driving, to protect our children we need to be teach them in advance. They need to practice, and they need to use the skills they’ve learned at all opportunities. It is easier to teach good habits than wait until bad habits are formed. There are many good driving instructors for kids and their parents, but unfortunately, there are few instructors that teach kids, and us parents, how to deal with a bully. A task force of volunteer older youth in Vancouver was ask to review existing material on bullying, They found most of it dated and virtually useless. Some of it they felt would actually lead to more bullying not less? What did they discover however could help anyone to deal with a bully. It starts with understanding why kids bully. So they asked. Why do kids bully? In short, its about power and control. It’s about avoiding being a victim by creating one, and it is about getting a reaction. - It makes them feel good - It takes away their own insecurities - By succumbing to peer pressure to do it they “fit in”
- It helps them prevent being bullied themselves - They believe others respect them more if they are a bully
- To gain attention - It is often pay back for being bullied themselves - To get an expected reaction from the bullied child ( usually make the victim look like a coward or be goaded into a fight) So, if these are the reasons to bully, they asked themselves,” What if the result of an attempt to bully made the bully feel; bad, not good, less secure not more, less impressive to peers, less respected by others and more likely to get bullied themselves? What if it gave them negative attention, not positive? What if the reaction they received made the bully even more uncomfortable and embarrassed than the victim of the bullying? And what if this occurred without any physical fighting?” While difficult to teach in its written form, I hope you will read the next 2 articles that will cover; How to make a bully feel uncomfortable and get them to leave you (your child) alone ( the skills). What parents should, and should not do to support their child. And the best techniques to deal with a bully in order for your child to be safe. Questions may be emailed to: bully_back_off@yahoo.com check out the web site: www.bully-backoff.zoomshare.com or contact me on FACEBOOK Bullying Can Be Stopped
Article 1 of 3Parents: Is your child being bullied?
I have been working in the youth services field for many years, and through Bully Back Off, I have spent the last 10 years concentrating on bullying and how to deal with it.
I hope the following series of articles might be helpful.
Of the many challenges we face as parents one of the most difficult is bullying. How do we assist and support our children, while at the same time accepting that they have to learn to make their own way in the world. Personally, I’m tired of all the statistics and sensationalized tragedies reported in the papers, on TV, and on endless radio call-in programs, and the resulting, less than helpful, rhetoric that follows.
School administrators/staff, community workers, social workers and others have worked hard to create an effective response to bullying incidents, and police are more aware of these incidents and respond more proactively to threats and serious occurrences.
However as with car accidents, it is often too late by the time the police and others are called. The damage has been done.
The question often asked by parents is, “What do I do if my child has been bullied?” This question is often asked too late, and only after recognition that their child has been repeatedly bullied, and not just by one person! To give a parallel example, it is the equivalent of asking; “How can I teach my teen to drive safely?” after the speeding tickets, and traffic accidents have occurred. Again the damage has already been done, and the bad driving habits entrenched.
Like driving, dealing with a bully takes instruction, skills and practice. Even setting aside the laws concerning driving, not many parents, (I hope!), would put their child on the road without prior instruction and practice?
As with driving, to protect our children we need to be teach them in advance. They need to practice, and they need to use the skills they’ve learned at all opportunities. It is easier to teach good habits than wait until bad habits are formed. There are many good driving instructors for kids and their parents, but unfortunately, there are few instructors that teach kids, and us parents, how to deal with a bully.
A task force of volunteer older youth in Vancouver was ask to review existing material on bullying, They found most of it dated and virtually useless. Some of it they felt would actually lead to more bullying not less?
What did they discover however could help anyone to deal with a bully.
It starts with understanding why kids bully. So they asked. Why do kids bully?
In short, its about power and control. It’s about avoiding being a victim by creating one, and it is about getting a reaction.
- It makes them feel good
- It takes away their own insecurities
- By succumbing to peer pressure to do it they “fit in”
- It helps them prevent being bullied themselves
- They believe others respect them more if they are a bully
- To gain attention
- It is often pay back for being bullied themselves
- To get an expected reaction from the bullied child
( usually make the victim look like a coward or be goaded into a fight)
So, if these are the reasons to bully, they asked themselves,” What if the result of an attempt to bully made the bully feel; bad, not good, less secure not more, less impressive to peers, less respected by others and more likely to get bullied themselves? What if it gave them negative attention, not positive?
What if the reaction they received made the bully even more uncomfortable and embarrassed than the victim of the bullying? And what if this occurred without any physical fighting?”
While difficult to teach in its written form, I hope you will read the next 2 articles that will cover; How to make a bully feel uncomfortable and get them to leave you (your child) alone ( the skills). What parents should, and should not do to support their child. And the best techniques to deal with a bully in order for your child to be safe.
Questions may be emailed to: bully_back_off@yahoo.com or check out the web site:
www.bully-backoff.zoomshare.com or contact me on FACEBOOK Bullying Can Be Stopped